Ratchet and Clank: Clock Blocked Chapter 1
by Mansonfan123445
Summary: Ratchet becomes a merc for a super hero named after a comic by my little bro.
1. Chapter 1

The sky was a pale blue with clouds like sheep with fluffy white. Ratchet and Clank had been playing the hot, new video game Mario's Call of Duty: Modern Princess-Rescuing. They were on the undersea level. In it Mario and Sgt. Price must engage underwater goombas who may have kidnapped Princess Coconut, Princess Peach's ugly sister. When Clank asked, "Ratchet if it's such a nice day why the **** are we inside playing video games?"

"Because it's what the fans do, Clank. Shouldn't we get more in touch with our inner fans?" said Ratchet.

"Not really," said Clank, "why couldn't do something more apprehensive with our time?" Ratchet laughed. They went out after defeating the evil General Bowser by crashing a plane and shoving up his bung hole.

They were walking down the gray pavement when they saw a poster that said, "Step right up! Super Poop Man will bee signing autographs today at the mall. Free copies of his new album, Pooped My Pantaloons Awright! Fans will be given with a small fee for the autograph." Ratchet and Clank had never heard of Super Poop Man but they thought they'd check it out.

They landed on a small personal-parking lot where there was a small line waiting at the mall. Ratchet went to the end of the line and was punched by a Terachnoid waiting in line, "Hey nub the line starts here. You can't just cut in line." Ratchet looked behind and saw a soldier in heavy armor was cutting in front of the line. "Zip it, dumbass. I need to get to Super Poop Man. He's in danger." He looked to Ratchet, "You must be the Lombax. Come with me and take this." He handed Ratchet a Constructo Pistol and began to stride in. "Now I want you to climb upstairs and place this charge in the food court." Clank looked at him puzzled he asked him, "Who are you?" The soldier only handed him the charge, "I'll tell you later. I sinc'd into your Nav Unit. You'll be told what to do as this continues. Do you trust me?" Ratchet began to open his mouth but the soldier left.

Ratchet climbed the stairs and went to the food court. "Now place the charge in the center," the Soldier said in his deep monotone voice. A cop fired at him. Ratchet pulled out the pistol and shot him in the stomach. "Did you silence the cop? Good. You might wanna plant the charge in the center. If more guards come, kill them too. We can't leave any witnesses. Then proceed to the Super Poop Man trailer." Ratchet did as told and the soldier handed him a detonator. Clank hopped off Ratchet's back and looked at Ratchet. "Ratchet I do not trust him. He may be an assassin." Clank told Ratchet. The soldier grabbed the two and put them in an escape pod. He pressed a code and the ship launched to unknown regions


	2. Chapter 2

The pod crashed outside of Super Poop Man's trailer. It was solid gold with miniguns on the sides and a toilet on the top. The toilet had a sign on it that said "The Shit Cannon" on it. A guy sat on it and uh...."loaded it" with a big, smelly shit with oozy dirrarhea sauce and shit pimples.

The guy went down and said to Ratcet, "Hey, are you, like, a cat or some shit. Cuz, dude, I've been smoking so much crack and diarrhea mixed I'm going blind. So, like, you wanna see uh, Ultra Shit Guy or something?'"

"Yeah, uh, whatever," Ratchet said and walked into the trailer.

The soldier's voice came on, "Now tell him that......Bubble McPissStain sent you."

Super Poop Man looked at Ratchet and told him, "Are you Ratchet. The guy's that been playing with bombs? That's cool." Super Poop Man was quite the strange man. He had ripped pulsating muscles, but sixteen poin one four chins. He had two miniguns on his back. He was wearing gratuitous amounts of body armor and Tweety Bird tatoos.

"Um...Super Poop Man......Bubble McPissStain sent me. Does that mean anything to you whatsoever?'

"Fuck you you ugly piece of shit Bubble eats dicks and licks carrot juice out of crocodile's putrid asshole after it shat out an ass cream sandwich with putrid poo sprinkles." He said.

"So you hate him?" Ratchet inquired.

"No, he's my brother. I just think he's a fart headed dick hole." Super Poop Man said.

"Sir, you are one strange individual." Clank said.

"Fuck you," Super Poop Man said. He snorted a coka cola bottle full of grinded monkey testes and proceeded to eat a turkey leg.

"Uhm, what do you need us for again?" Ratchet asked.

"To buy me a giant cache of weapons and kill Bubble. He's a dick and ate all our Twinkees."

"Oh shit, noone eats all the Twinkees and gets away with it."


	3. Chapter 3

Super Poop Man handed Ratchet a Constructo Shotgun.

"Take this asshole, and fuck off." Super Poop Man said. Ratchet began to leave when Kif Kroker and Charon from Futurama and Fallout 3 respectively came.

"Yo sup dawg, can we like fight amongst you?" Kif asked loading an assault rifle.

"Sure," Clank began, "but you must buy us some tacos at Gadgetron Taco."

"Kay." Charon said. They walked down the street to a jewelry store. A man came out with a .44 magnum and opened fire on them. Ratchet rolled out of the way, but was scracthed by a piece of bullet. Kif took out an Alien Blaster and fired at the man's chest. He too rolled and put his hands up.

"Dawg what the fuck??" he said, "Why y'all shootin'?"

Ratchet said, "You shot first!"

"Oh yeah," he said, "I forgot." He holstered his gun and handed them a menu, "Y'all wanna chocolate bar?"

"No," Clank said, "We want tacos."

"Kay," said the guy and walked away.

Our heroes cotinued and turned they saw a bunch of zombie hoboes eating The Goodyear Marchmallow Man.

"Come on yo dicks! Help a brutha out!" Ratchet loaded the barrel and shot at the zombies. They looked at him. Clank threw a time bomb and the zombies were frozen in time. Perfectly showing Ratchet and Clank's perfect and harmonious combat style. Kif threw a cryo grenade and killed the hobos once and for all. The Marshmallow Man gave them some assault rifle clips and straggled to the nearest health arch, where he was healed. They approached the Gadgetron Taco Stand and ordered some food. They then contacted Super Poop Man.

"The fuck do you shits want?" he asked downing a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Where do we go from here?" They asked.

"Uh..,Bubble lives in Kentuckus. Go there. Assholes" he said.


End file.
